We really really really care, really.

“Hello,

Thanks for your report. It looks like this is connected with your original case # 0192159770, so we’ve added it to that first report.

We’ll continue our review with this information.

If you have more details you think we should know, please respond to this email to send them our way. We appreciate your help!

Thanks,

Twitter”

It’s been three weeks and two days since Twitter suspended my account. This was only discovered when it refused to let me ‘like’ a friend’s tweet. It has blocked access to the feeds of 4,000 friends and forbidden me to provide any updates or silly thoughts to nearly 5,000 followers.

These are accounts I’ve avidly read, laughed at, shared, thought about and looked forward to reading for the past eight years. Gone, with no explanation.

It’s unfashionable to admit to missing a social media platform, but I did. I loved reading the feed when big news was happening and spent far too much time clicking through to articles that educated, entertained, infuriated or simply provided the latest update. I missed seeing the thoughts of writers, politicians, actors, artisans and citizens much smarter and more perceptive than me. Hell, I missed seeing all of the goodest and cutest and bestest of dogs!

Of course, appeals against suspensions can be lodged. Online, naturally. This has been done by me every.single.day since. In desperation I’ve frantically googled for an email outside of their interminable ‘help’ tunnel but have always been firmly bounced back to the original link. Today I even googled their US corporate phone number and rang via Skype. After listening to the recorded message and pressing number 1 for ‘customer service’ the same voice informed me that twitter didn’t provide phone services and to go back to….the twitter help link.

Twenty three days. Malignant GOP nutter Marjorie Taylor Greene only got twelve hours!

Personal whining aside, it was recently reported that Twitter earned 1.29 billion dollars in the last quarter of 2020 and ‘Looking ahead, Twitter said it expects revenue to grow faster than expenses in 2021’ and ‘is expecting revenue between $940 million and $1.04 billion in the first quarter,’ according to CNBC.

Twitter CEO Jack Dorsey said, “We’re a platform that is obviously much larger than any one topic or any one account.” While he’s obviously referring to their decision to ban Trump from the platform forever (an overdue move that truly has resulted in much less tension and much more relief) he might perhaps be forgetting the other 330 million users.

Users who might need help.

Help from a human being; not clicking on a set topic for twenty three days in a row. And no, automated email replies do not count as ‘service,’ especially when not followed up.

Why is it that such a large and profitable organisation is allowed to get away with not being contactable by any means other than online? With such eye wateringly-large revenue at their fingertips, how are they not legally obliged to provide their users (and, as such, targets for their advertisers, who also helped Dorsey’s bunch earn another 1.15 billion dollars) with a genuine service?

Three hundred million accounts does not mean that thirty FAQ topics will cover all of their needs. Would Jack be happy to receive the same level of service from a similarly successful company?

If his car breaks down in the middle of an LA highway at rush hour and he has to scroll through his phone to click a link and select a topic of concern, he’d be feeling A-OK about the sitch? Or more than thrilled to fire up his laptop to find the ‘contact us’ hyperlink when the plumbing for his enormous Twitter HQ goes kaput? Will he feel respected by his private oncology specialist when he nervously presses the image on the touchscreen and receives the message, ‘we’re busy, so it might take several days for us to contact you about your cancer results’? To paraphrase Sherlock Holmes, I suspect not.

Surely he can afford a few human beings to — this is a crazy idea, but bear with me — help other human beings?

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